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As a longtime vegetarian, I know we can be a self-righteous lot. Even though 97 percent of Americans eat animals, we’re convinced that we’re right—and the meat-loving majority is wrong. And there is not a vegetarian out there who hasn’t tried to convert a meat fanatic at one time or another. We use all sorts of arguments, citing strong moral, environmental and health examples, when debating. Inevitably, the response we get is, “I just need my meat.” To counter this, I have tried all sorts of tactics to plead my case to friends, family and coworkers.
My favorite ploy was the “cannibalism theory.” It goes like this: Among prehistoric humans, cannibalism was commonplace. Talk about convenience food! Just conk a few neighbors on the head and you could feed your family for days. But over time, some cave people became sad. Feasting on the neighbors meant they were running out of friends. So they decided to try eating an animal instead. They even learned how to prepare the animal so it tasted just like a human. “Honey, is this antelope or one of the Dickersons? I can’t tell the difference!” Thus began a new evolutionary period; cannibalism became passé.
According to my “theory,” we’re again at a key evolutionary moment, and the more forward-thinking people are now moving away from eating animals and going toward vegetarianism. Sounds like a logical progression, right?
Well, it didn’t take long to figure out that the cannibalism argument didn’t inspire people to change their diets. When I’d explain my theory, they’d only grimace and make jokes about cult horror movies with flesh-eating zombies. Not exactly the reaction I wanted. So over the past few years, I gave up initiating conversations about vegetarianism.
Surprisingly, I found that the less vocal I was about by my animal-free diet, the more curious people were. They asked what I ate, where I ate, how I got my protein and if I missed meat. When it came to fully exposing my feelings about being a vegetarian, I played hard to get, and my mild-mannered meat-free persona attracted more attention and more interest than ever. Now everyone I know is aware that I’m a vegetarian and is respectful of my choice.
What’s most heartening is that these days my friends and coworkers go out of their way to make sure I get vegetarian food at parties, retreats and other events. It’s become a mission for them, and they enjoy the process. I’m gratified when they realize vegetarians have a variety of tasty and healthy dietary options like tofu and seitan. And even though they might not be going meat-free themselves, at least they’re participating in my meatless world. Maybe someday one of them will cut back on meat consumption or even make the leap to vegetarianism because of a health issue or an encounter with a suffering animal. And because of what they learned while accommodating me, they’ll see it’s not so radical. But I now know that I can’t change their habits for them.
A final point of clarification: The cannibalism shtick was not only a lousy idea, it had a lot of holes. Yes, the practice of eating one’s peers did exist, but after doing some research, I discovered that it wasn’t as pervasive as I made it out to be. So I am guilty of creating a little historical propaganda … and the rather dubious feat of grossing out a few carnivores.
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I believe it is wonderful to feel strongly about your lifestyle, however, it is just that "yours". I have found that if I live my life everyday doing what is best for me, and the result is positive, people naturally want to adopt some of my habits. When I get out my soap box and start telling people what "they need to do" is when the resistance to change is greatest. I find it is better to allow people to come around on their own. I am new to Vegetarianism, and it is due to my body not liking high fat protien or dairy. I had to make the change. If I was lectured or had scare tactics used, I would not have.. Live and Let Live!
It is refreshing when fellow vegetarians learn to respect ALL life - and that includes being respectful of their fellow human beings by recognizing they have the free will to do a they choose. "You draw more flies with honey than vinegar" rings so very true. No one likes to be ridiculed - why then do some veg enthusiasts feel it's necessary to "scare" others into a veg lifestyle.
Thank you for approaching your peers in a respectful way. It makes the rest of us vegetarians look like we're not nuts after all.
i really like this insight. a few veggies i know could benefit from this!
i like your comment, erica p. i am also brand new to vegetarianism (not even a week!) and i have met a few people who have been feeding me nonstop info about it and encouraging me to do it. some of them even told me that i should eventually go vegan, as if giving up BBQ isn't hard enough! the best way to change a mind has always been to plant the seed and let the seed do the changing. oftentimes we want to convert people for selfish reasons, just to say we did it, when really it's not about us.
Thank you for this; it was much needed. I found myself turned off by the vegtarian movement despite my desire to eat a healthy, vegetarian diet. And I found the vegan movement, which advocates polyeurothane shoes versus leather ones, not ecologically sound. In conclusion, if we all went veg tomorrow, lots of animals would die do to the absent demand for their meat. A respectful approach has staying power, and your approach is one that will bring positive change. Namasate.
Interesting. I found the same thing at my work. The less I say about being a vegetarian, the more curious people become. I feel my life is a testimony as I rarely get sick and when there is heavy lifting to do,guess who they come to. They call me "muscles" and I am only 5'3". Thanks for your input.
Well, I personally lost 1/3 of my body weight (intentionally), which is why I am veg. When people find that out, it really interests them, especially since most of them are on some kind of ridiculous diet that doesn't seem to work for them.
I'm glad that you are an quiet example; it always works best. Think of this: We vegetarians CANNOT afford to be preach-y. Much of the world would love to be able to have a choice of what to eat. Vegetarianism in this way is a decision of affluence. So let's be grateful that we get to make a happy choice like this and quietly set the example. People tend to get their backs up when you preach, but get interested when they see you happy and healthy with your own choice.
This seems similar to religious or philosoophical proselytizers. Living a lifestyle that people envy and want to learn more about is much more effective than pounding on their doors and getting into their faces, threatening them with eternal damnation (or heart disease). Respect and consideration for people goes both ways, especially where eating is concerned, as it is such a social bonding activity. I am always amazed to hear horror stories of Vs and non-Vs at holiday gatherings. My mixed V/non-V/allergic family has always been respectful of each other, bringing assorted dishes and modifying recipes to each others' needs so everyone can have several dishes to enjoy.
I only have one objection to your otherwise terrific and thought inspiring article. I use meat for protein at this point, being allergic to both soy and dairy, but my diet includes varied vegetable and grain dishes. Therefore I consider myself an "omnivore," not a "carnivore." Even my kitty cat eats a diet with some plant products in it. If I can find more recipes and articles with non-soy, non-dairy protein in them, perhaps I can move my diet more towards vegetarianism.
"Live and Let Live" was an interesting choice of words, Erica P.!
I enjoyed your article Ben and can relate as i did try to change my husband and extended family and friends. But i have been eating this way vegetarian for 3 year.. And i have only seen one friend change to this way, I have stayed consistant and I hope I can be a light to others who watch my lifestyle. If no one else follows I will still lead.
I agree with this, although to the people who are commenting that veganism is stupid... you have a lot to learn. I hope you can someday research it instead of just knocking something you don't understand. Veganism IS better for the environment, better for the animals, and better for health. There's no getting around it. Yes, maybe it is crazy to think that animals don't deserve unnecessary discomfort, but I'm not going to stop thinking that. I do, however, understand how it can be counterproductive to complain about it constantly and try to change people's minds when they obviously don't understand and don't even want to understand. I don't talk about it, but if I'm being completely honest I have to say that right off the bat, I have an automatic preference to people who care about animal rights as opposed to those who don't. I can't help it.
And to P. Morgan...all non-vegan humans are omnivores. Carnivores only eat meat and no plants at all. Herbivores only eat plants and nothing else (which includes animal-derived products). Also, you can actually get enough protein without soy, dairy, or meat. But it's okay if you're just not ready to make the switch yet, I guess.
I've been veg for 30 years now, and if I am fatigued by anything it is the insistence of my cohort that I keep quiet about it in the name of not rocking the boat and not insulting the delicate sensitivities of carnivores. Like minorities and women before us, vegetarians are being scolded for not knowing our place, for not being demure, for failing to defer to the power of the status quo. But unlike members of the civil rights and women's movements, we are our own worst censors. Eating meat is wrong. It's wrong from a humanitarian and ethical standpoint and it's wrong from an environmental standpoint. Being afraid to say so for fear of who will be offended seems trivial in the face of what is at stake. Imagine the black power movement only being willing to speak those truths that didn't irritate the white majority, because it was more important not to frighten the white elite --- who would certainly never listen to an "uppity negro" and would only be turned off --- than to give honest, powerful voice to their suffering. Imagine the first feminists deferring to those who labeled them masculine and domineering, deciding that using their voices was only upsetting those men that they would be better served trying harder to charm. Imagine someone publicly advocating the polite tolerance of rape and pedophilia on the grounds that all adults are free to choose a lifestyle they feel/believe/know is "right" for them because(insert justification here). We in the US are free to state boldly and without guilt that rape is wrong and that we won't tolerate it. We are free to state boldly and without guilt that, as women, we deserve equal human rights. My grandmother wasn't. That she did anyway is the only reason I can. It's easy to be bold and unequivocal about what everybody already accepts. It's hard to speak in a clear and unwavering voice when we're in the minority, and even harder when our cohort keeps urging us to shut up already, lest we offend. But is it right to be so insipid about a practice that is destroying the earth and everyone on it? Are we incapable of speaking our particular truth to power? Must we accept the lie imposed upon us by those who resist all change that merely to speak against violence in a clear, firm, certain, and unwavering voice is itself an act of violence? I object to the false dichotomy which insists that to speak my truth without shame and in a powerful, unfaltering voice is to make war and that timid diffidence is the only acceptable definition of peace. As the planet dies, as the unimaginable suffering of sentient beings continues in horrific scale, where is the comfort in knowing at least I kept my mouth shut?
I agree with the non-militant stance. We are all given the gift of free will, and the more we try to impose this will on others, the more they will resist (case in point, as a child I was forced to eat meat and as soon as I was old enough to realize my own will, I stopped & was very adamant, to the point of developing an eating disorder). Today I am a happy, healthy vegan who tries to project an aura of lovingkindness and respect, hoping that people I meet will follow my example.
meat is murder
Point taken, but I've also spoken with many carnivores who don't really care *where* meat comes from, and so aren't grossed out or scandalized by the thought of eating fellow species members, so long as they're tasty.
Now to construct a myth that cures simple-minded pleasure seeking.
Felicia,
I don't think it's so much that people are afraid of *offending* omnivores but that it just doesn't work to be in-your-face. How many people have you bullied into vegetarianism? I stopped eating meat at age 12 and tried very hard to get people to go veg for years. Now I don't even bring up the subject of being veg unless someone asks me and guess what? I've had many, many people ask me questions and talk to me about going veg. I certainly don't feel like I'm being kept in my place by not blathering on and on about veg*ism to anyone who will listen. I feel empowered.
Declaring meat-eating the definitive reason that is killing our planet is a bit short-sighted. All vegetarians I know own cars (which produce green-house gases), wear brand clothing (which is produced exploiting child laborers in asian countries), travel on air planes (dito: green house gases) and indulge in other habits that cause harm to the planet and to other human beings. The fact that they don't indulge in habits that cause harm to animals do not always outweigh the damage they do in other areas. Let's be realistic.
For the last eighteen years I have found people becoming quite defensive when they find out that I am vegetarian. I patiently listen to them making excuses for themselves and try not to comment. Eventually someone always ends up saying " I'll bet that by eating this hamburger I am really freaking you out !" They always change their tune when I tell them "you eat what you like and I'll eat what I like." That's when we can start to have a conversation about vegetarianism. peacefully,Stephanie
It would behoove everyone to be mindful of the choices they make and the consequence of making such choices. Some have dietary restrictions, others not; some are truly hurt by the pain and suffering caused to other beings, others do not have that understanding, or choose to ignore it -- in the end, tolerance and advocacy, if that is your way, will speak for itself.
And please don't forget a sense of humor!!! I have been veg for 22 years and I have seen it all. I have had people chew steak in my face, my brother-in-law tells me there is meat in the chili but I can have some, and a Grandma who is waiting for me to die of starvation! We all have our own thoughts and reasons for doing things so let's just all relax and have a good laugh.