No-Meat Haiku

November 11, 2008

During one of my recent, late-night expeditions into the vegosphere, I discovered Meat Haiku, a poetry contest sponsored by Burger King in honor of their new Steakhouse Burger.

I confess: I’m a total veg-dork who googles the key word “meat” for fun. But even if you’re not as veg-obsessed as I am, you’ve got to admit that meat and poetry make a pretty odd couple. Whose brilliant idea was it to take the language of love and use it to sing a death chant?

The contest yielded such captivating results as:

Meat is what I need

Tasty burger, come to me

I will eat you now

—Brandon Kerlee

Or, Evan’s, who can’t even spell “vegetables” correctly:

Vegitables are yuck

Steakhouse is a lot of fun

So go brown not green.

—Evan Weinman

I know we veg-minded folks can come up with a few No-Meat Haiku of our own, ones that actually play homage to the sacred, life-celebratory form.

The rules are simple:

1. Count the syllables for each line so they equal 5, 7, 5.

2. Mention your favorite fruit or vegetable.

I wrote these to get the ball rolling:

ripe avocado
5

lookin’ tough in your green-black
7

lizard skin jacket
5

young cherimoya
5

ripening in my right palm
7

heavy as a heart
5

Now it’s your turn! Enter your No-Meat Haiku into the comments box below!